Known to do the impossible like Broadway Joe

I'm better at home improvement than I am at blogging.

And make way for my smooth operation

Over the weekend I finished touching up the drywall, vacuumed the room, and took out the temporary floor. I also broke out the belt sander and started to sand the floor.

This is an actual conversation that I had with my wife this morning:

Me: Why didn’t you take that yogurt to work? With the granola? I bought it for you since you’ve been looking for healthy snacks to take to work.
Wifey: I don’t like granola.
Me: At that breakfast two weeks ago you said that yogurt with granola was the best thing you ever ate!
Wifey: I know, it was really good. I still had some left over and I ate it yesterday.
Me: So you like granola?
Wifey: But I don’t know how healthy it is to eat too much granola.
Me: Are you kidding?
Wifey: And I don’t really like mango yogurt.
Me: Have you ever tried mango yogurt?
Wifey: No but I don’t really like the idea of mango-flavored things.
Me: Fine, I’ll take the yogurt.
Wifey: No, now I kind of want it.

Sanding the floor will take a long time with both the belt sander and the palm sander. But sometimes it’s nice to have a time-consuming task planned for the weekend that makes it impossible to hear anyone else.

Filibuster vigilantly

Early in September, I somehow volunteered to make my brother’s wedding cake. This seemed like a good idea until I realized that I didn’t know how to make a wedding cake.

On September 10 and September 11, I spent the weekend trying out various angel food cake recipes and cake pans. I settled on one recipe and made a 12x18 sheet cake that I brought to my grandmother’s house. Conveniently, it was her birthday. I wrote “Happy 9/11” on the cake but she didn’t notice. It was, after all, written in delicious buttercream. She loved the cake.

Then on September 14-15 I made a round cake with raspberry mousse inside and practiced with fondant. My wife took it to her book club. They didn’t really care for the mousse but they loved the buttercream. Everyone loves buttercream.

So on September 17 I presented my brother and sister-in-law with a giant white cake with blue details, including their wedding logo. It was a four-layer angel food cake with strawberry filling and buttercream all over. It came out great, but it took so long that I actually forgot about the room renovation.

On September 24 and 25 I just got drunk in my cousin’s driveway. It was as glamorous as it sounds.

But alas, on October 1 and 2 wifey and I got back to work! We sanded, added a third coat of taping compound, and sanded again. Now I just need to touch up a few spots and I can work on the floors! Unless you know someone who needs a wedding cake, because I really don’t want to sand those floors.

And yes I'm all lit up again

The wife and I got the second coat of drywall compound on the walls and sanded it down over the weekend.

A box of sandpaper and a bucket of taping compound was about 30 bucks. I don't remember how I lost the receipts but it was probably when I was trying to haul the 60 pounds of joint compound up two flights of stairs while trying to hide my heavy breathing from the wife. I don't want her to know how out of shape I am. Because, you know, the gut she sees every day is not conclusive evidence. The new total is $631.42.

It was hot as hell over the weekend so we took on the project while only wearing minimal clothing. Apologies if you happened to be driving by and saw up my boxers while I was on the ladder sanding the ceiling.

I told the wife that she actually looked really good in her sanding attire. She said, "You're only turned on because of my dust mask. My mouth is covered and you can't hear what I'm saying."

Waiting for my ruca

I know that my last post was about procrastination but I really intended to get right to the sanding.

Really.

But the lawn really needed to be mowed. Then I couldn’t mow it because I found a rabbit nest so I had to put up a temporary fence to keep my dog out. The next night I came home and discovered that one baby rabbit was missing so I had to search the yard to find him (which I did) and put him back (which I did after a photo).

Then I really had to clean the garage because it was a mess and you never know when you’re going to have company and when your company will want to have a party in the garage.

Then I was going to get to the sanding but instead the wife and I went to the beach for a long weekend.

Then –and this is not my fault –a hurricane hit my neighborhood and I spend an entire night bailing out my basement bucket by bucket to make sure that the rising water didn’t damage my boiler or furnace. I won. But wifey had the nerve to be traveling in Europe (for business, allegedly) during the hurricane and I was on my own. I guess it was for the best since I was drunk for the entire weekend and there was no power so it would have been impossible to drown my drunk ranting out with Project Runway.

Today I took off from work and sanded the walls. Now it’s time for a second coat and then more sanding.

But first, I really need to clean those gutters. Or maybe read that Tolstoy book I’ve been meaning to read.

We’re on the tape, we’re fresh out the box

Wifey and I got the first coat of joint compound up on the walls last weekend. If you haven’t done this before you probably think that the next logical steps are sanding and a second coat of compound. If you have sanded joint compound before you know that now is the time for serious procrastination because sanding that first coat really sucks.

For example, in the last two days I somehow injured my pinkie (which is the most important finger for sanding), decided to reconfigure the amplifiers in my Jeep, and spend an entire day building Lego castles with my nephews. When I finally had a few spare hours yesterday I decided that my bathroom really needed a good (and lengthy) scrubbing.

Eventually we’ll get to the sanding.

These boots are made for walking

I finished up the drywall last week. I also made my first and hopefully last trip to the doctor for this project.

Second batch of drywall was $51.48 bringing the total to $601.42.

After stepping on a nail that almost went through my foot and trying to hide my limp for a week, wifey said, “When was the last time you had a tetanus shot?” I muttered something unintelligible and tried harder to hide the limp.

Then the next day I stepped on a small shaving of scrap metal from the corner bead I was putting up. I cut my other foot. Wifey gave me a look. I went to the doctor. He looked at my foot and asked why I wasn’t wearing boots. He gave me the same look. He gave me the tetanus shot.